Forget I was here
by aston de saint-exupery
Summary: How running away on your own barely solves your problem. How running away almost makes you lose the only person you love. NaruFemSasu one-shot, ANBU-setting.


**Forget I was here.**

 _Forget that I was here. Please, for the love of god. Do yourself a favour and leave me, everything we once had behind. There you go. Was it that hard? What am I even saying... Let it all out. I know you're probably shedding tears, heaving and gasping for breath. You're looking throughout the apartment, checking for any other sign I've left behind. You find none. What; did you think I'd leave anything at all? You're still checking, aren't you? Stop. I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, I am aware of the fact that I couldn't ever possibly ask for your forgiveness. So please, listen to me for once and stop._

 _You're ravaging the entire apartment. Did you check in the bedroom yet? You find nothing, as you desperately throw another pillow at the wall. It lands, a muffled thump after another. Don't worry. I washed them before you came home. You should be picking them up rather soon; my work was not in vain. Can't have you crying on my pillow because my scent would still be there. It must have been such an exhausting mission, hadn't it? Can you still hear their screams? The echoes of their cries being cruelly blocked shut by the never-ending clashing of your tanto against their skin? It never gets easy. Trust me, I would know. Perhaps, you'd go around and search. Search for me, and drag me home. Or maybe, maybe, and I mean it, maybe you'd try and forget about me. What about Sakura? Isn't she such a nice girl? Don't tell me you never noticed the stares, the way she's always blushing whenever her name rolls off of your stupid, sugary tongue. Please, don't tell me she doesn't love relishing into your innocent glances._

 _I can picture your face right now. The tears, they don't stop. Your whiskers are getting wetter and wetter, dummy. Stop frowning, you're not a child anymore. I can imagine the dishevelled look I've endeared myself to provoke out of you time and time again. Your eyes are red, sore. Not a nice contrast, with your blue irises that I relished in seeing every day since we met. You're trying to close them off. No, your tears won't stop falling. By now you should be looking around the house, hectic and all; you're thinking I'm fooling around. Maybe to potentially scare you for not paying as much attention to me as you should have. I'm laughing. It's so funny. If you actually thought that was the case, maybe you never truly knew me._

The man outfitted in ANBU gear sighed, plopping himself on the floor. He was filthy, muddy and bloody. How fitting of the sunshine everyone thought he was. Special butterfly, he was called. Overwhelming memories and thoughts felt infinitely indebted to settle down for a while, if only to murder him even more. His unhurt hand clutched the letter tightly, although refusing to resume reading. It hurt, hurt even more than a thousand ice needles imbedding themselves into unprotected skin in a matter of seconds. Perhaps, he should have been angry. Angry at her, at the world they lived in. He wondered if she was the one to leave the window in his bedroom.

He could hear himself laughing. Hollowly, slowly, painfully chortling. Oh man, what a mess.

Slowly, but certainly, he gazed unto the letter once more.

 _I'm sorry. I shouldn't have wrote that. No worries, though. You'll forgive me. Like any other time, won't you? Ah, the wonder of wishful thinking. It really gets to you, doesn't it? Have you looked into the bathroom yet? I know I said I left nothing behind, but…_

Letter in hand, a bit crumpled but still salvageable; his unbruised hand smashed itself against and into the bathroom door. Several thoughts and scenarios played themselves as he ushered himself to go faster and faster towards the bathroom. She probably fooled him; he'd expect her to be fully geared in her ANBU outfit, one hand over her mask as she revealed her pale face, that sickly-white hue of her tone endangering his sanity again and again. Perhaps, her customary half-smirk that he grew so familiar with over the years would be smugly portrayed over her beautiful features. Alas, to no avail.

"Are you fucking kidding…" Over the bathroom stool, there laid her mask; blanc-coloured, slightly altered due to her obvious needing of having hawk motifs drawn onto the piece of clothing. His fingers touched the mask so tenderly, afraid that this keepsake she left behind would break. Carefully picking it up, his empty laugh echoed throughout the apartment.

"Leave it to you, to fuck up everything." Sighing, he couldn't help himself but notice a slashed leaf hitai-ate neatly folded next to the mask. Picking it up he smiled, to spite himself even more-so.

"You're so cruel, Satsuki-chan." So cruel that it hurt. A lot.

 _These two things I cherish so much thanks to you, I leave in your care. I know for sure that you wouldn't throw them out. You're not that kind of person. You must be sad, poor sunshine. Don't be. I have my reasons. Please, chase me. I don't deserve to ask of you this, but please chase me. Chase me around, throughout the land. Find me because I know after I'm done killing him, I won't be able to… I don't have any idea what I'll do. I'm scared, Naruto. I'm really, really scared. I'm shaking, trying to control my thoughts as I'm writing this to you. Coming with me isn't a good idea, no matter how you view my motives and sudden defection._ _You'd wreak havoc across the land only to appease my thirst for his blood. I know. To help me avenge my clan, my family. I can't put such a burden on your shoulder, not when you carry so much of your own. I've let you do things for me for a long time. Not that you complained. You never did, with your stupid smile and the way you'd laugh everything off. I honestly hated you, for being able to do all of this without struggle. To keep on moving without any remorse. But I came to understand the real you, and I'm sorry for being so judgemental at all times. I know it must be hard for you, too. So, please; adhere to my selfish request. I also know that I told you to leave me behind and move on, but… I can't accept that. I can't. I, really, really love you. And I can't imagine my world without you. Perhaps, if things would have been even a tiny bit better, I could've stayed. You can hate me, despise me for being so cruel to you. Heaven knows I deserve it. Even if you… don't chase me, I'll still come back. And I won't ask anything of you, then. I'll leave you alone. You'll probably be way happier without me. As long as you are happy and alive, so am I._

The headache, the constant aching and the rapid beats of his heart succumbed Naruto down to the floor of the bathroom. His eyes were tearing up, again. Again with the tears. Again with the heartache. Left behind, once again. Many times, many selfish times, indeed. The blonde ANBU tried drowning every thought away. Shaking his head, he continued reading.

 _And thus, I want you to be happy. Happily ever after. I messed you up pretty badly, didn't I? I won't apologize again, because it's too much. I tried, Naruto. I tried moving on from the past, but I just couldn't. He has to die, by my hands. It's the only way to honour my forsaken clan. Uchiha. A flaming red fan. Extinguished, drowned in their own blood by one of our blood. How pathetic. Drowned by the hope they all trusted. I can't let him live. I'll need you. I'll need you so badly, and I can't stop myself from weeping, for I have killed us. Everything we have—had has gone to waste. All ash, nothing broken left to fix. Hopefully, you'll forgive me. And maybe with time, you and I will… will… Anyway. Forget that I was here. Until next time; I love you, dear._

"You fucking idiot."

Crumpling the letter in his hand, he let out a loud, blood curdling scream. The tears wouldn't stop coming out, he was being taken over by his jailed. Whispering sweet-nothings of arousing terror, destruction and vengeance, he was being taken over. However, as controlling and endearing the fox sounded; something snapped inside Naruto.

He couldn't let himself be engulfed in the demon's hatred and desire for destruction in its wake. He needed to go, now. He needed to be calm, confident and strong. Thus, he walked back to the living room and propped himself onto the floor. There was little time, and he had to act fast. Meditating, he could sense nature chakra flowing inside him. A little bit more, and he'd be done. The usual orange pigmentation around his eyes appeared, opening his eyes to reveal two black slits across his yellow irises, tracing similarities akin to a toad.

His hand grasped Satsuki's ANBU mask, forsaking his for hers. Her headband in hand, he flashed away. Night-time washed itself over the continent, and a full moon was seated high in the midnight sky. He felt the chilly air of summer in his lungs and sighed. Reaching the Hokage Tower wasn't a challenging task, no matter how his injuries fared. He would heal, the fox would do its job. As he flickered throughout town, to the common villager, they couldn't even detect his presence whatsoever. However, to the trained eye of a ninja, they could only grasp a slight blur of black and grey flickering in and out around the town.

Naruto couldn't have chosen a better time to shunshin in the middle of his hokage's room. He took notice of the people inside. His ANBU superior, Kakashi, was there; his expression of a serene magnitude he could never hope to understand, let alone contemplate how it was possible. His old teammate, Sakura, stood bright next to Kakashi, in her standard jōnin attire. From what he's heard, she was supposed to be part of the next ANBU batch. He didn't really care, right now.

Kakashi's eyes widened as he took notice of the mask on Naruto's face, and Sakura gasped, shocked by his appearance.

He faced Tsunade, his hokage. She was tired.

Naruto tried his best, smoothing his dark attire as neatly as he could have. His tone was devoid of any emotion, prompting everybody's attention to be focused on all but him. "How convenient, for all of us to be here."

"Hokage-sama." Naruto bowed in respect, following proper etiquette present in every ANBU operative's repertoire.

"Why the hell are you using Taka's mask?" Sighing for the nth time this evening, he lifted her mask and placed it near to a stack of papers on Tsunade's desk along with Satsuki's slashed hitai-ate. "ANBU operative, codename Taka has defected from the Leaf village."

Tsunade took notice of his messy appearance and slumped in her seat. He was a mess. She could see Kakashi straightening the second the silver-haired man heard of Satsuki's defection. The rosette was at a loss of words, opening her mouth to speak. However, nothing came out. "How did this happen, Naruto? Why did it happen?"

Similar to the rosette behind him, words wouldn't come out from his open mouth. "Kitsune. This is an order straight from your Hokage. Speak."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Taka's left a letter in my apartment, stating her wish to kill ex-ANBU Itachi." He ended his sentence short and sharply, with the usual tone of a masked killer under her command.

The fifth Hokage clutched at her temples, not-so shocked by the sudden revelation. It was common knowledge that Satsuki wanted to kill her brother, but to go to such extents… She brought a bottle of sake from her desk's left drawer and nodded.

"Sakura, I'm going to have to ask you to see yourself out." Tsunade's voice let no room for argument, although she knew it wasn't fair to leave the rosette out of this.

"I can't do that, Hokage-sama. Satsuki was my teammate and—"

"Leave, Sakura," Everybody in the room tensed as Naruto's words laced with fury and venom were spat. Not even bothering to look at her, she was met with his hand signalling to get out. "That's ANBU hand-sign for get the fuck out, jōnin Haruno Sakura. You don't have the kind of clearance necessary to take part in this conversation."

Sakura motioned forward, seething. "Why, you…"

However, Kakashi knew better to cut Sakura off before she could say anything to anger his ANBU subordinate even more. He was on the verge of breaking. "Naruto…"

Tsunade, on the other hand, knew Naruto were right. Unfortunately for her apprentice, the blonde in front of her was right. This was ANBU matters, and thus would be regarded only by ANBU itself and the Hokage. "I'm sorry, Sakura, but Naruto is right. Kitsune, Inu, please exit the room. I will call you inside in a few." They bid her will and left, Kakashi flashing her an apologizing eye-smile. Naruto didn't even regard her. He couldn't be bothered.

"Sakura, I will debrief you once I'm done."

"Hokage-sama, I will be part of ANBU in a matter of weeks! They can't keep on shutting me down like this time and time again."

"I know, Sakura. But please, you should understand how frail and disturbed Naruto's state of mind is right now. He didn't mean to sound rude and apathetic, we both know that's the truth." "I understand, Tsunade-sama. If that's all, I'll take my leave." Nodding, she flickered out of the room.

"You may come in." Kakashi walked in first, with Naruto in tow. His stance was lazy, and his gaze was empty, stone-cold. She couldn't really blame him.

"Mah, this is a very troublesome issue, Hokage-sama." Tsunade took another sip of her sake, what a long night this was going to be. "You tell me about it, Inu…"

"You know, Naruto, you didn't have to be so rude towards Sakura. She only wanted to be of help."

"I have my own reasons." Childish reasons, perhaps. Nonetheless, he should have understood the reason behind Satsuki's constant glaring whenever Sakura were around. Maybe, if he reacted on his feelings a tad earlier… she, she probably wouldn't have had the heart to leave. _Wishful thinking, right, Satsuki-chan?_

"No matter what those reasons are, that's no way to treat a fellow leaf ninja. I should penalize your stupid ass for that." Naruto simply chuckled.

"I'm one hand-sign away from flashing close to the Fire nation's border and you're talking about penalizations? Oh, man. Maybe I should have left, too." Dodging her punch was done with little ease, thanks to his heightened senses. "I'll have you on trial if you keep being insubordinate."

Before Naruto could escalate this little spat to another level, Kakashi voiced his opinion. "Now, now, how about this; I and Kitsune will track Taka down."

Their hokage nodded with little resistance, shrugging her shoulders in a care-free manner. "Yes, I was about to assign you two anyway. This is an S-rank classified retrieval mission, and failure to follow instructions would inquire severe penalties. That includes defecting as well, Naruto."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"So, is there a time-limit?" Oh, how she hated his lazy tone. "Yes, Kakashi. I'll give you one month. That's as long as I can keep the council and ANBU commander under wraps. I'll also falsify Satsuki's check-in, and assign her an S-ranked classified mission as well."

Seeing as there were no objections made, she continued. Her amber-coloured eyes were stone-cold, meaning her word was absolute. "Remember, Naruto. Itachi is not yours to kill, so if you find her fighting him; do not intervene. She'll hate you forever for that."

He understandably nodded, slightly unpleased by the cold truth. "Got that, Hokage-sama."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go."

* * *

Oh, how weary she was. She could feel the cold, prickling drops of rain falling everywhere; as if to wash the depravity of today. Satsuki could not bear looking at her brother's lifeless corpse anymore; memories constantly flashing, of older, happy and care-free days. Auspicious beginning, she might have said a couple of times; shaking and tearing at her morphed, accursed eyes. Let the end begin anew, whispered in a wistful tone. Her cries were few and far between; the need to run encompassing the girl. She feared, feared that she would die here, too. His blood was splattered over her face, her own blood spiralling downwards as her eyes constantly kept morphing. She was weary, injured to the point of disabling the ability to even stand up. The headache would not stop banging itself against the confines of her head. It had to stop. Stop. Stop. Stop—

"Stop." Her pained yell could have been heard everywhere in the forest; echoes dragging themselves on and on as the wind carried itself with grace beside them.

Her bleeding eyes finally stopped morphing, trails of blood travelling her face in a slow but steady manner.

She fainted.

She couldn't have known when the blond man had left only but a trail of leaves; hoisting her fragile form into his hands and flickering away to safety. She shouldn't have been able to feel the wetness of his tears falling down on her face, but she somehow did. She should have opened her eyes when she woke up, but she couldn't. It stung too much, too painfully. She felt the bandages covering her eye-sight once she felt the horrible stench of a bloody hospital room.

And for the better or the worst; she could sense his presence.

"Are you upset?" No response.

She let out a soft sigh, followed by a sick fit of coughing. A handful of minutes were gone when the stinging in her eyes disappeared. The black-haired ex-ANBU gingerly pulled at the ends of her bandages, revealing her changed eyes for Naruto to see.

She didn't miss the slight shift in his stance once his eyes locked on hers. "Can you get me a mirror, please?"

He seemed resilient at first, but gave in seconds later. Still, no words were spoken. Her frown didn't go unnoticed. Nevertheless, he didn't relent. Reluctantly holding the mirror in front of her, she gasped. Her sharingan evolved, meaning that… her brother were right. Well, as right as the dead could be. It hurt, it really hurt. But maybe, it was for the best. Who would really know?

"How are you feeling?" Her red eyes darted towards his. To say she was surprised to hear him speak so soon would be a huge understatement.

"Feeling alright…" Her dried voice made it hard to communicate. Damn. In all regards, she dreaded having to face his wrath so early. She could see the hurt, confusion, betrayal in his hardened eyes.

"That's good." Naruto's tone was latched with apathy and indifference. Feigned indifference, she added as an after-thought.

"You really came…"

"I had to, Tsunade ordered me to." That hurt. A lot.

"I see…"

He neared closer to her frame, unblinking. She couldn't describe the stare she gazed into. If she were to name it, it would most certainly be something akin to drowning. Really, his blue eyes were something else…

The kiss was chaste and quick. "That's for breaking my heart."

She pulled him closer. "That's for running away."

He deepened the kiss. "That's for making me suffer."

She nodded into their kiss, caressing his face. "I love you."

Satsuki gasped, opening her eyes to stare into his. She was crying.

"Oh… god."

His chuckle made her heart stop. She hugged him closer. "I love you too, Naruto…"

* * *

Fuck. I can't believe how much I've struggled writing this. Ah well, second one-shot; as promised.


End file.
